Dealing with our Anger
Proverbs 25:21-22; Romans 12:17-21; Matthew 5:21-22

This is national fire prevention week. It is hard to miss. There are fluorescent green posters everywhere with very important and useful information about how to prevent fires.

And its a very good idea to read them. Fire is something we don't think much about until suddenly it's out of control. And the causes are so often small and easy to miss. A curling iron left on. A frayed wire. A piece of paper on a halogen lamp. We need people fire marshalls and fire prevention weeks to remind us that we need to deal with the causes of fire before it becomes deadly.

Anger is like fire. The smallest spark can set it off, it spreads quickly, it easily gets out of control and before you know it has become destructive. When people talk about anger, they almost always use fire imagery: "She has such a short fuse. He sure has a hot temper. That just makes me burn. You don't have to explode at me. She spits fire. Wow sparks were really flying there.

The Bible uses exactly the same sort of language.

The comparison of fire and anger makes sense to me. When I think of how anger spreads inside me, it feels very much like a fire. It might start off as just a small spark of irritation, but as I feed it with resentment and bitterness, it grows hotter and hotter, until finally it gets out of control and I speak angry words, or pound my fist against the wall, or just smolder inside.

Not surprisingly, Proverbs has a good deal to say about anger:

15:18 A hothead stirs up a fight, but one who holds his temper calms disputes.
17:19 Whoever loves sin loves a quarrel
17:27 Whoever has knowledge controls his words, and a person who has understanding is even-tempered
12:16 When a stubborn fool is irritated, he shows it immediately, but a sensible person hides the insult.
14:29 A person of great understanding is patient, but a short temper is the height of stupidity.
24:17 Do not be a friend of one who has a bad temper, and never keep company with a hot head, or you will learn his ways and set a trap for yourself.
29:22 An angry person stirs up a fight, and a hothead does much wrong.

You'll notice that the concern here is almost entirely for minimizing the damage caused by anger-- keeping anger under control and containing it. And this is good advice. The minimal requirement of a peaceful society and of meaningful relationships is that we learn to control our anger. We live in a society that glorifies anger, that encourages its expression -- and at the very minimum we as Christians need to take a stand against this and insist that anger must be controlled.

I had a Science teacher in high school who was a rather hot headed Scotsman. But to his credit he was aware of his weakness. He had a trick for containing the worst of his anger. You could tell when he was absolutely livid when he was stood silently looking at you with his lips moving. No, he was not praying. He was counting slowly to 10 under his breath. For those of us who understood this it gave time to brace ourselves or to run. Counting to 10 slowly may not be a bad idea if you struggle with temper.

But is this all? Is limiting the damage the best we can hope for? Keeping a fire contained is important, but the fire is still there. And hiding or controlling my anger doesn't get rid of my anger problem. There are very few of us who do not have an anger problem, although for some of us it is very well hidden.

We visited the Forest Park Zoo in Springfield this Thursday. It's a small zoo -- just about my speed. You can get very close to all of the animals. And most of them are very friendly. Or at least they look friendly. But don't trust appearances. The zoo keepers have very thoughtfully put up signs by quite a number of the animals that say "I bite" or "I spit." Now for some of the animals this is entirely unnecessary. It is quite obvious that the cougars are biting sort of animals. But the bunnies and the Llamas and the Donkeys? They look so innocent. In these cases the signs are rather necessary. We used to have rabbits that should have used signs like that. Beware: Attack Bunnies.

There are some people who wear their anger quite openly. There are others of us that should probably have big warning signs on their backs: I bite. I snap. I spit nails. People display anger in very different ways, but the anger is still there and still a problem. Our family has an informal classification scheme to remind us of this. I am part of the Turtle family. In the face of conflict we turtles withdraw into our shells. But don't put your finger too close or I may snap it off. Others among my siblings should be classified with skunks. Skunks don't hide in the face of conflict -- they spray. Everyone knows when a skunk is upset. Their anger is immediately visible. Then there are Porcupines -- they may not lash out, but they do not retreat either. Porcupines just stand their ground and bristle.

This is all pop psychology -- not to be taken too seriously. The simple point that while there are different ways of showing it, most of us have an anger problem. Just because you aren't a skunk doesn't mean you don't have a problem. And trying to change yourself from a skunk to a turtle, or vice-versa, won't solve the problem. We turtles are sometimes told to be more like skunks -- we are told we shouldn't bottle up our anger, that we need to be more open about it. Rubbish. Letting off steam just leaves room for more steam, it doesn't get at the source. The problem is deeper.

What God calls us to is not to deal with anger by hiding it, or by letting it all out, and not even by channeling it. [even though my house does get cleaned more quickly when I am angry.] God calls us to extinguish anger -- to get rid of it altogether. Ephesians 4:31 tells us to "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." Instead, we are to "be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other." Colossians 3:8 uses almost exactly the same words: "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, and filthy language from your lips."

But lest we have any doubt, turn to Matthew 5:21-22 (p. 959):

You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject of judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with this brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.

There is no way to weasel out of this. Jesus categorically forbids anger and equates it with murder.

Objection: But doesn't Jesus himself get angry. And doesn't Ephesians 4:26 tell us to "Be angry, but sin not." Yes. And there is such a thing as righteous anger. We'll get to that. But for now don't let it undermine the starkness of the command. We know that 99.9 percent of our anger is anything but righteous. When we allow anger to burn in us, whether we let it out or not, we are morally equivalent to murderers. There is no escaping Jesus words. Personal anger has no place in the life of a follower of Jesus. So our problem is not just to control anger -- important as that is -- but to get at its root causes and extinguish it.

How?

One of these fire prevention week guides was helpful to me here. It explains that a fire needs three basic elements to start: Oxygen, fuel and a source of heat. If all three are there in sufficient quantity, you'll get a fire. Remove one of them, the fire will go out.

A neighbor parked his truck up on the grass in front of our house last Monday. That was the spark -- the heat source. It shouldn't have been a big deal. It's common practice on our street for cars to pull of the road onto the grass.

But you have to understand that I have been thinking a lot about grass lately. Sarah has told me that I am obsessed with grass. And perhaps she's right. This was MY grass -- my NEW grass that I have worked so hard to nurture. And he had driven right onto it. Even though I very carefully put railway ties across the front to make it absolutely clear that cars belong on the street. He was parked on MY precious grass. In front of MY house. That was the fuel -- my self-centeredness. The spark landed on the fuel of my selfishness.

And was I thinking about God at the time? Are you kidding. What did God have to do with this? This was between me and my neighbor. For practical purposes I was a raving Atheist for those few minutes. Emphasis on the raving. There was no fear of God in me, no consciousness of God, not hint of awareness of Him. I failed to acknowledge God or to even consider what he might have wanted. That was the oxygen -- a godless spirit.

The spark of irritation or conflict landed on the fuel of my selfishness and was fed by the oxygen of a godless spirit. And whoosh, irrational anger started to burn. I paced up and down at our front door. I imagined how I might hide a board with nails in it under his tires. I composed an angry note. I complained to my wife. She told me to write a nice note. But I was not in the mood to write a nice note. In the end I did none of these things. After all, I am a turtle not a skunk. If only he had come close enough so I could snap!

How could I have extinguished the anger before it started? First, let's be very clear: I cannot do anything about the source of heat. Maybe I could have prevented that particular irritation by building a fence or something -- you know, fences make good neighbors and all of that -- but there would have been another spark, another irritation. There will always be sparks and heat. If any of thinks we can handle anger by running away from conflict, we are fantasizing. We can't get rid of those. What we CAN do something about is the self-centeredness and our godlessness that feeds the flame of anger.

Look for a minute at Proverbs 25:21-22 (p. 651). This is a familiar verse, and it is quoted again in the NT in Romans 12.

"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you."

This verse offers two practical principles for extinguishing anger:

1. First, "If your enemy is hungry, give him food" -- Actively love those you are tempted to be angry with.

In the very last moments of Jesus earthly life. As he hung in excruciating agony on the cross and looked down at those who had nailed him there. What did he say? He had every reason to cry out in anger. He had every reason to scream at them of the suffering they would endure. What did he say? He had every reason to curse them and damn them. What did he do? He prayed, "Father, forgive them." At a time when anyone of us would have been completely absorbed in fighting for our own lives, Jesus was pleading for the lives of his torturers -- he was praying for them, ministering to them, and forgiving them. This is our measure of active love. And when active love is present, there is no room for anger.

Anger cannot coexist with genuine prayer, genuine service and genuine forgiveness. Why? Because all of these things strike at the roots of my selfishness. I cannot really pray for someone and remain angry with them, because prayer is seeking their good before God -- putting their interests above my own.


2. There's another principle for extinguishing anger hidden at the end of this verse in Proverbs 25. "In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you." What is the motivating force for showing kindness to our enemies? The Lord will reward you . When I I actively trust God for my protection and my future, there is no room left for personal anger.

I recently heard a frightening news story about vigilantes in South Africa. In some parts of the country people or gangs are simply taking justice into their own hands. And the root of it is quite simple: They do not trust the police or the courts to be able to enforce the law or execute justice. Vigilante justice springs from a fundamental distrust of the judicial system. If the government cannot protect me, then I must protect myself.

Anger in a Christian is vigilante justice. When I become angry I am taking the law into my own hands and plainly stating that I do not and cannot trust God to care for me and to bring justice.

Romans 12:19-21: Do not take revenge my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. [and then Paul goes on to quote from Proverbs:] On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him . . ."

Justice is God's sphere. Anger elevates me to the position that only God rightfully holds. But when I genuinely trust God, there will be no room for anger and no reason for anger. If I had truly been conscious of God when that truck pulled onto my lawn, I would have seen it not as an affront to me -- but as an opportunity sent by God: An opportunity to show patience and love, perhaps simply an opportunity to meet a new neighbor. Instead of being angry, I could and should have been saying, "Thank you God for bringing a neighbor into my yard -- now help me know what to do with this opportunity."

When we are conscious of God, every spark of irritation can be seen as an opportunity -- an opportunity for growth and an opportunity for service.

Active love extinguishes anger by hitting at the root of my selfishness
Active trust extinguishes anger by hitting at my godlessness

Finally, what about righteous anger? We know that it is possible to be righteously angry because Jesus was angry. He was angry at the Pharisees. (Mark 3:5) He was angry at the money changers in the temple. (John 2:13-17) But notice when he was not angry: When he was insulted, mocked and killed.

Righteous anger will never be on behalf of your own interests. Anger is only righteous when there is no hint of selfishness, and no hint of godlessness in it. Which means it almost NEVER happens. What we usually mistake for righteous anger is actually self-righteous anger.

But their ARE times when not to be angry would be wrong. We should be indignant at blatant injustice and cruelty. We should be incensed by exploitation of the weak. The problem is that I get it reversed. I wring my hands at real evil, and I am incensed when someone cuts me off in traffic.


Two practical suggestions for anyone who is struggling with anger:

1. Make a list of people and situations which tend to evoke anger in you. Begin praying regularly for those people and those situations.

2. Practice forgiveness. There is nothing to keep the fire raging hot like an unforgiving spirit. And forgiveness is not a one-time deal. Forgive and forget is a myth. We do not forget that easily, and when you remember, you will probably have to forgive again, and again, and again.